I've made love; I've been fucked. [So what.]

Matt and I broke up a few days ago. There's not a lot I really want or need to say about it, besides that I am confused and scared that I have made a poor decision. Well, I guess it's best to be honest. I'm almost completely sure that I made the right decision; I'm just lonely as hell. Sleeping alone is so difficult when you know that you will not be waking up next to someone who loves you. I won't even do the thing where I reassure everyone that this break up is for real and there is no chance that we will ever get back together. Because I don't know. I'm taking it one day at a time. I broke up with him Thursday and I've seen him only once since then. We got dinner and watched a movie... he ended up staying. We did nothing but cuddle, and while I know it made us both happy to feel so safe and secure, it was not a good idea. I'm not sure if he even realizes how serious I am about all of this. So much for not having much to say about that, ha.
I've already fallen back into that bad habit I have of becoming relatively promiscous after any serious breakups. I fucked some kid that I met at a party last night, or should I say he fucked me. And it was really good, don't get me wrong. I haven't had sex that...invigorating for awhile now. He's hot and more dumb than not. I haven't decided if he's arrogant yet. Last night was presumably a one night stand, which is perfectly fine with me, but I'm not going to make this a trend. Making out or whatever is one thing, but I feel kind of ashamed of myself for actually doing someone. Especially so soon after Matt.
Fuck it. I don't feel that bad. If Matt knew I'd feel awful, but he doesn't need to, and he never will. The kid from last night was nothing more than an amusing lay...even if he did tell me that I "intrigue" him. Hell, I don't even know why I let him into my pants to be honest. I was drunk and horny and lonely. He had no where to go because he was too drunk to drive. Sleeping on the couch turned into sleeping in my bed. Shit, I suck. Hah. [Speak of the God of Fuck himself. He just texted me wanting to hang out. gggggggahhhd.]
School is ruining me. I had a full fledged panic attack during a math test the other day. It was humiliating. My depression is starting to take over hard core; so many changes are going on and I'm having a very hard time keeping up with everything.

It's hard to exist.

Should I hang out with Jimmy the One Night Stand who is no where near smart enough to hold anything longer than a 5 minute conversation with me?
Should I study for all of the tests I have this week?

I know what I should do. I should go take Matt the stupid fucking book he needs to borrow from me at work so I don't have to deal with his incessant interrogations tonight and go right the fuck to sleep.