& i shall not scream, but i'd rather not be seen.

i honestly hate christmas. i have recently spent way more money than i can afford to spend, and i am extremely pissed off about it. i hate my job more than anything, and all i want to do is be there enough to pay my bills and have money for green and beer. that's all. i would say that's pretty reasonable.
i've been very miserable lately. my new bff from work has been coming over and hanging out, and that makes me kind of happy i think. she's the only girl that i have really and truly been able to relate to since moving to this land of degenerates. we had a party the other night, and that was fun. actually, nora (my new bff) came over to watch dexter, and when we walked in the door, it was a fucking circus as my roommate had decided to invite everyone and their mother over without telling me. nora and i went with it and took a bunch of shots of jose and drank a bunch of yuengling and smoked a lot of herb. everyone else was throwing up everywhere, so nora and me and two wasted but coherant guys that we work with hung out in my room and listened to music. i couldn't sleep, so i didn't. it was alright.
oh. i'm a homewrecker now. did i write about getting with that kid that has had a crush on me for like, two years? i don't remember. wait, i think i did. anyways, everyone found out about that and now i'm some kind of big homewrecker at work. it's kind of funny, all of his friends still work there and he doesn't, but they're still cool with me. i don't think they like the girlfriend.
and then i hung out with this kid that i met off of craigslist. lmao. that was. . .
i'm done talking about it.
matt came over last night and gave me a couple of beautiful gifts. it was nice to have him laying next to me. i miss him.

i'm so lonely.

i think i'm going to a party with him tonight. it will be awkward. his friends hate me for breaking his heart. i hate me for breaking his heart.

he doesn't know the greatness he is.

i am not looking forward to the day he realizes he can do better.