all your friends & sedatives mean well but make it worse.

I have somehow managed to brainwash myself into feeling as though almost every person that I engage in conversation with or hang out with is corny. An appropriate summary of what makes a person corny in my eyes is as follows:

adj. one who constantly says what he perceives to be smart, witty, or humorous. one who constantly tries to live up to a particular kind of "cool." a self-proclaimed "anti-hero" or "rebel." someone who pretends to love art and constantly references cliche musicians and modern artists. extreme sarcasm.

This could potentially go on for awhile, but I'll spare my loyal readers that much. (I don't have loyal readers.) In any case, to reference one of my earlier entries, corny people and people who are not real are either the same thing, or will eventually be the same thing. All of the corny college kids will turn into desk job clones and make corny office jokes about coffee and shit. But in any case, there was a reason for my decision to make this actualization into a journal entry.

Since I feel as though everyone is lame or fake or whatever, I am having extreme difficulty letting myself get attracted to a guy in any way, shape, or form. I've hung out with like, three dudes since last posting, and the first one was just such a fucking pretentious douchebag I drank myself into oblivion. The second one is super good looking and pretty smart, and I thought that he would be cool to hang out with, but he turned out to be a "hipster" pseudo-frat boy fucktard. I cannot feel as though a conversation is productive if it is punctuated with "right on," and "no doubt," and "fo' sho;" and for the record-dudes, if you're ever trying to like, get with a chick, do not call her "homie." It is an automatic deal breaker, and if it is not, the girl in question has no pride, and that's that.
Oh. And the third dude. This one's actually not bad, but the thing is, I like his brother a lot more. I've never found myself in a predicament like this before and it's slightly unnerving. In my defense, I saw the brother every day on the way to one of my classes, and I was interested in him right off the bat because of the look he has and his demeanor. Then one day, I start talking to this kid from one of my classes, and we went to his house to smoke one day afterwards, and lo and behold, imagine my surprise when my little "love interest" was sitting on the couch, and he was introduced to me as the brother.
But then the one I'm not so interested came over to study for our final last night, and we ended up making out etc., and I just wasn't feeling it as much as I may have hoped. It's an unfortunate thing when you can't even pretend to find some one desirable enough to kiss without feeling awkward. And he's a perfectly decent dude, apart from his occasional corny joke. But whatever. It's the whole comparison thing. I would love to hang out with the brother, and there is no way I can respectfully do that, especially after "hooking up" with the other one.

Oh yeah. I've become addicted to percosets. Kind of. I mean, I'm not at the stage where I'm freaking out and spending all of my money and dicking over my friends, but I definitely enjoy taking them when I can. So far, I have taken them continuously, all day, for about 5 days. I was incredibly fucked up at school and work on Monday. They don't make me happy; just a little bit sad. But I usually feel a lot sad, so I'll take it. They also make me really anxious to leave wherever I'm at and go to my room to listen to sweet instrumental bands and draw pictures. One day I will get my life together. I wonder what stage drug addicts fall under on Maslow's Hierarchy?

I've fucked up in school pretty bad this semester. I mean, I'm pretty sure I have a C average, but that is outrageous for me. I have been on the Dean's List every semester since Jan. 2006, and a C average is just not acceptable. My dad is being really good about it though, so that's all that really matters to me.
I HAVE TO GO TO WORK!
bye.