each strand in your hair is really insect eyes.

I am so fucking tired right now. I got 2 hours of sleep last night due to my recent addiction to the internet, stress, and the noise floor from Jamie upstairs. I had to come to school and retake a test today at eight, (which I totally bombed..) and now it is nine and I have an hour until my next class. Sure, I have lots of things I should be doing right now, picking my goddamn classes for one, but none of that appeals to me as my motivation has seemingly left me almost entirely. I'm hoping that when I do pick classes, there won't be anything left for me to take and my dad will have no choice but to let me take a semester off. Wishful thinking, I know, but I'm getting desperate.
These last few days have been strange. There will be no more GOF in my life. He continued to invite himself over; he stole my roommate's Bombay, and he is just generally a waste of life. I have no idea how I was ever attracted to such a fucktard. I'm glad that he has been cut out.
My ex boyfriend from two years ago called me yesterday. He has turned into such an awful human being. After me, he dated a wanna-be SuicideGirl with the IQ of a fucking rock. That little bitch caused me a lot of problems, and now, a year and half after he cursed me out and stopped talking to me under her orders, they have broken up and he is ready to be my friend. Yeah no. I miss his parents, and that's about it. They helped me out a lot in my rebellious teenage years.
I drank with my roommate, her boyfriend, and Matt the other night. We played Asshole and Kings and Fuck the Dealer and got super shitty. And then Matt started bitching at me about how cruel I am. He doesn't have to hang out with me. We are broken up. He caused a scene in front of my friends and essentially ruined my evening because he got drunk and disorderly and started screaming at me. I, of course, was wasted beyond belief and sat there and cried so he would shut up. I wasn't even crying about him. I was crying because I miss Jenn, and I was thinking about how I shouldn't have to deal with shit like this alone. Little did he know. He tries to guilt trip me into letting him come over because he still lives with his family and his brother has commandeered his bed. Fucking grow a set, and tell your goddamn brother to get off of your goddamn bed. I really wish everyone would just leave me the fuck alone.
Speaking of which. Family dinners with my dad usually end in screaming matches, and the one last night was no different. My dad got all pissed off about how I only tell him "superficial bullshit," which is true, but I don't know what else to tell him. He hates how private I am, and has decided that I don't tell him things about my life because I'm all fucked up on god knows what. He thinks that my idea to take a semester off is completely insane, and screamed and swore at me about how selfish I am for awhile. I decided to leave, so he followed me to my car, still screaming. I finally flipped the fuck out and started going crazy and swearing and crying and then he felt bad and told me he was going to find me a psychiatrist. My family is very functional.

In other news. I've decided that I hate being lonely, and that factor makes it more likely for me to make poor choices regarding men etc. Is it wrong for me to have standards? It's not that I feel like most of the people I date or end up in relationships with aren't good enough for me. I just want something different. I want a guy who is comfortable with taking things slow. I want someone who is intelligent, likes good music, and can teach me things. I have yet to meet someone, besides 2 of my best male friends, who can talk to me about something interesting and hold my attention for more than five minutes at a time. Usually, a guy will come over to my house, and I'll talk for hours on end. I like it at first, because they really dig what I'm saying, but then I realize that they are incapable of thinking shit up on their own and I will be nothing but a teacher in the relationship, should I pursue one. It is so fucking frustrating.
And that is why I have been known to put up Craigslist postings, and I have even joined OKcupid, the net's most outrageous dating site ever. Never have I seen so many idiots communed in one place; besides San Francisco. I just want to meet someone who fucking blows me away. Somehow, someday.

Speaking of San Fran: it blew. As I've said to some people already, the people on the west coast simply are not real people. Now, my definition on what makes a real person is pretty lax; in order to be real, you must have some sense of identity and you must not be mentally insane. you also must have more motivators in life besides money. One might be surprised at how many people in San Fran are lacking in all of these qualities. However, my time with Jenn was amazing. We killed 3 bottles of Jose Cuervo in the 5 days I was there, on top of the several cases of beer and bottle of Bacardi. We went to a party, where oddly enough, a bunch of kids from my hometown in western Pennsylvania were hanging out. (oh my god this awful whore is sitting next to me in the computer lab chewing her chips like a fucking cow and i'm going to vomit.) We went to Haight-Ashbury; I bought some sweet shit; we went to the beach and I saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time. Oh, we weren't exactly allowed on the beach, just the rocks. Which are on the beach. (like, big boulder type rocks.) Someone wrecked an oil carrier boat into the fucking GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE. How fucking embarrassing is that. How do you even do that? WTF. But yeah, that was fun. Jenn and I drove around like old times and listened to sweet music and screamed at the top of lungs together due to our several separate frustrations. (anditfeltsofuckinggood.) Oh shit. I had to go to the hospital on Thanksgiving morning because Jenn's glass shower door slid off of the track and shattered on my poor naked body. That was pretty goddamn awkward. My finger somehow got sliced open to the bone, so I had to get stitches. Jenn's boyfriend took me. It didn't really hurt, and I even took some pictures. Lmao. I was sad to leave Jenn, because we had a shitload of fun, but I'll see her soon.

I cannot wait to go home and see all of my friends. They all live all over the country, so Christmas is going to be extra amazing this year. With Jenn and San Fran, and Mike in North Carolina, I have had no desire to go home at all. I mean, I suppose I should go see my family, but it's hard to make a six hour trip somewhere when I'll only be there for two days in order to see less than five people. Mike is sending me underwear in the mail. I have no idea what is possessing him to do this; all I know is that I got a text the other day asking me for my underwear size and my address. I'm slightly freaked out. They better be fucking adorable.

Alright, I need to go drink some energy drinks and get ready for my goddamn day to start. School from 8-3:30 and work from 4-11 on two hours of sleep? That's outrageous.