I'm gonna die of loneliness.

I fucking hate school. I don't just have anxiety when it comes to my classes, and I don't have trouble getting up. I love to learn things, and I love to be around people. (for the most part, lmao.) I've been to two community colleges and now I go to a state school in Pennsylvania and I honestly detest every second of it. The teachers could not care less about the students, and I haven't taken one thing from any of my classes. This depresses me. I have been lucky enough to have several excellent professors in the community colleges that have taught me so much, and I reference things that I've learned from them on a regular basis. Philosophy, British Literature, Psychology, Modern Drama, Speech, American Literature, World Religions...all amazing subjects with amazing instructors. Now this is not to say that I actually expect my math class to be anything more than tolerable, but I'm taking anthropology and music and education right now. All for nothing, it seems. Would it be too much to ask for one invigorating class per semester? I honestly have no motivation to get up in the morning and make the 40 minute drive to my bland college to do bland things and be surrounded by bland people. Sooo...that's why I've been thinking about transferring. Again. GOF actually took me to his school for a little while and not only was the campus fucking beautiful, the people were very sociable and nice right away. And I don't even go there. (yet, hopefully.) It was so refreshing to hear people that I feel as though I actually may have potential to get along with rave about how awesome their profs are. So yeah. A possible change in my educational future is in order.
Last night was a bad night. Matt showed up out of the blue, and we hung out for a little while. I miss him so much. I wish I could just tell him that we're okay, and that we'll be fine, and we'll get married and live happily ever after, but I am so unsure about how I want my life to be right now. GOF does not even compare to Matt. That's why when Matt left, and GOF showed up like 15 minutes later, (oh my god that would have been so fucking awkward...) I felt like a fool. I make a really great, caring person leave my house so the GOD OF FUCK can hang out with me. Jesus Christ, I get more despicable every day. But, karma's a bitch. GOF snores so. fucking. loud. And it drives me INSANEEEEEE. I literally cannot sleep when it sounds like there is a very loud, obnoxious 16 wheeler laying in my bed right next to me. Besides that, he hasn't gotten me off twice in a row. What good is the GOfuck if he can't even give me an orgasm? And besides THAT, he's starting to get way too attached. I totally called it. My upstairs housemate, Jamie and him have been kind of on the rocks, because I met GOF through Jamie, and GOF is pissed that Jamie was telling me about GOF's reputation. Drama, drama, drama. Sisters before misters. Remember that.
Speaking of Jamie... that night that GOF and I were supposed to hang out ended up with Jamie and I watching Natural Born Killers and getting way more high than is ever necessary. That movie freaked me the fuck out. The night after that, we had a little party. There were only like 5 people there besides Jamie and me...and they were all guys from my work. As is custom at my shindigs, a guy that I've worked with for over a year (during which time I have hated him immensely) tried to sleep in my bed with me and things. Ew. I tried a jagerbomb (sp?) for the first time and ended up wasted. Then, two hours later, we all got super blazed and went to the mandatory server meeting at my work. Have any of you ever seen the movie Waiting? It's the one about the restaurant. Super hilarious. ANYWAYS. That's what my restaurant is like. There is never a dull day; that's for sure.
I drew a nice picture last night of a tree. The backround was psychedelic colors. I like it a lot. While I was drawing it, I decided on a tattoo that I'm going to get today after I get out of this hellhole. It actually has nothing to do with trees at all, haha. I just actually want 3 lines that go around my arm. They need to be very thin, and there will be a red one in the middle, and two black ones on either side of the red. I will take a picture when I get it.
Listen to Devendra Banhart.
peace!